Pick up a leadership book and you'll read excellent theories on the why and how of leadership.  Pick up another leadership book and you'll discover the secrets of the great leaders.  Pick up one more and you may be inspired and motivated to become a great leader yourself.   Google the word  leadership and you'll find an amazing amount of leadership resources online.

What you're getting, then, is information overload!  And with information overload, it's really difficult to make the changes needed to become an effective leader isn't it?  So let's simplify it. Here are the 3.5 steps you need to become a leader and a role model to others!

Step 1 -  A small attitude change

As a Leader, I know that
I must take responsibility!

Playing the "blame game" has never helped anyone. As a leader, you must take responsibility for everything that goes on in your life, and especially when things don't go according to plan. 

How can I always take responsibility?  Simple – change the questions you ask yourself and those around you. 

  • Instead of asking "Why did you do this?", ask "What role did I play in this situation?  Was I clear enough in my instructions and directions?"
  • Instead of asking "Why can't they get it and why don't they understand me?" ask "What more can I do to ensure I'm understood?"
  • Instead of saying "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" ask "What can I do to quickly change the situation? Or "How can I turn things around now?"

Just by using HOW and WHAT questions instead of those awful WHY questions, you'll be able to take full responsibility to anything that happens to you as a leader.

Step 2 -  Another small attitude change

As a Leader, I know that
I must step into the other person's shoes

Whenever the urge to scream at your team wells up in you, take a moment and step into the other person's shoes.  Try to understand the reasons behind their actions!

How do I see things from their perspective?  Simple – ask yourself, "What made him or her do what they just did?"  and "What role did I play in causing this situation to happen?"

Step 3 - Why do you want to change?

As a Leader, I know that
I must have a strong reason to change!

Wishing and hoping to be leader because it's "good for me" is like sitting in front of the computer and aimlessly surfing the net and dreaming that one day "I'll learn the steps of leadership so that my life improves".   That's never going to work!  Never, never, ever!! 

Instead of wishing and hoping, give yourself a really strong, powerful and deeply meaningful reason why Step 1 and 2 will now become a permanent part of your life. 

The reason will forcefully and inevitably move you towards massive pleasure, or away from massive pain.  

How do I find my strong reason to change?  Simple – just write 3 reasons why change is a must, then ask yourself what would happen if you didn't change.  Be ultra specific when you do this!  Here are some examples to get you started:

1. The stress is killing me! 

If I don't change…I will really die!  And I don't want to die yet! 

I want to live life to the fullest and enjoy the time with the most important people in my life (name real people here!).  Just to see their smile every morning gives my life meaning and being stressed out takes away my pleasure.

2. I'm always angry! 

If I don't change…Nobody will want to be near me or help me as they're tired of my screaming and yelling.  I'll have no friends, family or team members to rely on or to seek help from.  I'm getting tired of doing things on my own!

I need and want control in my life so that I can achieve my dream of starting my own business and running it successfully, as this gives me the recognition, freedom and lifestyle that I desire more than anything else in the world. 

3. I'm constantly being misunderstood! 

If I don't change…I'll be constantly frustrated which in turn gives me stress which in turn will kill me!

I want to have a peaceful life doing what I love best which is to give, and I need the help of my team to do this.  Giving to others is my number 1 passion in life and makes me feel happy and useful

Give yourself a strong and deeply personal reason to change – NOW!

Step 3.5 – Know you're not a Saint!

As a Leader, I know that I'm allowed to be human
and get angry, grumpy, bewildered, frustrated sometimes.

What does this mean?  It means we're all human and leaders must have emotions.  So get angry and frustrated!  Just remember to quickly go back to these three simple steps and regain control of your life and your ability to lead yourself and others!

Leadership is not rocket science. All it takes are these simple steps to get there. So get the process started today.

As Benjamin Franklin once said,

"Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today."

Become the leader you know you are, the leader you know you can and must be, and do it NOW!
Jeff Tan is an entrepreneur and business owner of both REV Training & Coaching and Ch'i Life Studio Shanghai, but his true passion and calling is to help others as they journey through life. With his unique ability to help people discover and understand their purpose in life, he has helped countless live the life they love using the tools of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP. Before starting his own businesses, Jeff served for 26 years with distinction as a helicopter pilot and flight instructor with the Republic of Singapore Air Force, rising to the rank of Lieutenant- Colonel. Jeff is a licensed NLP trainer, having received his certification from Dr Richard Bandler, the founder of NLP. In addition, he holds a Master of Social Science degree in Counselling from the University of South Australia, and is a professional Clinical Hypnotherapist with the Institute for Advanced Neuro-Research and Education in the USA, as well as being a certified PhotoReading Whole Mind System instructor.

For more information about Jeff Tan and REV Training & Coaching, please refer to the website www.revtc.com. For more information about Ch'i Life Studio Shanghai, please refer to www.chi-life.cn.