Any communications expert will tell you that cross cultural communication skills involve one, some or all of the following steps:

use appropriate language, rephrase what the other person has said, use body language to get your point across, read the body language of the other person, relax, adopt an attitude of learning, don't make assumptions, clarity, step into the other person's shoes, be patient with non-native speakers, respect cultural differences, etc…………..

Easy isn't it?  So why then are we still frequently misunderstood, and why do we frequently misunderstand others even when we know and use the steps described above?  Why don't the steps work as promised?!!

The first step to understanding these vexing questions is that all of us have a super powerful filtering system that filters any experience we have.  These filters are a result of our values, beliefs, experiences, language and culture which means that in a room of 100 people listening to the same person talk, there could be 100 different reactions to the speech ranging from agreement to violent disagreement, from pleasure to disgust.  It all depends on who you ask! None of the listeners' perceptions are 100% accurate and our filters affect us differently causing miscommunication and misunderstanding all the time.

An even more powerful observation from understanding our filters is that miscommunication takes place even within the same cultural groups, with the same belief systems, same cultural values, same upbringing. This means that miscommunication can and will take place within similar cultures.

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with
creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion"
- Dale Carnegie

So how do we effectively deal with such a situation?  Simple – when frustration, stress or anxiety begins to set in, take a deep breath and remember two golden rules:

Golden Rule 1:  Respect the other person's model of the world.
Golden Rule 2:  The meaning of your communication is the response you get.

Applying Golden Rule 1: Respect the other person's model of the world
We've very fond of saying "step into someone else's shoes", and Golden Rule 1 goes one step further by saying that we must respect the other person's perception of the situation.  As we already know, our unique filters change our perception of any message or experience from what the speaker intended.  And that's why stepping into another person's shoes is not enough—we must step in and respect it.  Then take action to clarify the misunderstanding by asking questions to find the root cause.

Applying Golden Rule 2: The meaning of your communication is the response you get
If you are frequently misunderstood, isn't it time to take a look and see if it's our own communication skills that need polishing?  Instead of saying "Why don't they understand me?" ask "How can I make myself even clearer to them?"  Such powerful questions allow your mind to go from whimpering victim to powerful leader in one swift motion.  And this means that the speaker of the message takes 100% responsibility for the response and reaction of the audience so if the response is unexpected or unwanted, it's the speaker's responsibility to take action to clarify the misunderstanding by asking questions to find the root cause

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will see every problem as a nail
- Abraham Maslow -

Before applying the wonderfully useful tips from communication experts, step back and experience the two Golden Rules first, i.e., (1) respect the other person's model of the world and (2) remember that the meaning of your communication is the response you get.   When you do this, cross cultural communication challenges, and for that matter, any communication challenges (regardless of culture) become a thing of the past!