I easily get jealous! When I see others do better than me or have what I want, I get very jealous. I hate it, but I don’t know how to control myself. Help! How can I get rid of this feeling?
27 years old, male
“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.”
How can you control it? Take 4 simple steps to turn jealousy into a gift that brings you to a better place in life.
Step 1 - Accept it
You empower the things that you constantly resist. Accept jealousy as a normal emotion just like any other emotion. It will free you from anxiety so you can make a thorough analysis of the whole situation.
Start the analysis with recognizing the pattern when you get jealous. What is the trigger of your jealous feeling (What do you see, hear or think)? When you are jealous, how do you feel, in which part of your body? Once you are aware of the jealous feeling you get, move to step 2.
Step 2 - Hold it
Don’t react, e.g. make accusations, give someone silent treatment, or drop a little sarcastic hint. HOLD IT and TAKE DEEP BREATH, tell yourself “I choose to control my jealousy”. Once you gain control, you are ready for the next step.
Step 3 - Deconstruct it
Jealousy stems from a lack of self-confidence, especially when you fear losing what you have or fear not getting what someone else has. Next time you feel jealous, ask yourself, “What makes me think I will lose, or can’t get, what I want?”
Step 4 – Rise Above it
Take one simple step that a confident person would take. For example, if your colleague gets promoted, congratulate him and be supportive. Once you are confident in yourself, you won’t feel jealous.
Jealousy can teach us a lot about ourselves. By noticing when we feel it, jealousy can guide us in the right direction if we take the right steps. So next time you start to feel it, step back from the emotion flaring up, accept it, hold it, deconstruct it and rise above it!