Many friends come to me with their problems, but I find they get upset when I give them advice.
If they don’t want my advice, WHY DO THEY COME TO ME? I’m confused and frustrated, what should I do?
Thanks for sharing Mr. confused-and-frustrated,
After our off-line discussion, we discovered you are perhaps too eager and give advice too prematurely, which upset your friends because they didn’t feel understood.
So yes, they want your advice, WHEN THEY ARE READY! And to get them ready:
I know you want to give suggestions immediately but STOP! Without fully understanding their point of view, you only offer advice that worked for you. And since everyone’s different, the next time, when you feel the urge to give advice, bite your tongue, HOLD YOUR SUGGESTION, and listen!
Ya, of course you listen, but do you really listen? Do you truly focus on the person and their problem? It's easy to be distracted by that judgmental voice in our head.
How to stop? Wait until the speaker finishes each point before you start. And don't think in terms of right or wrong; think in terms of WHY - why does he think or act this way? This will help you listen actively and discover the true cause of the problem, and in turn, give better advice.
Use these two tips to be an even more successful advice-giver... just slide your suggestion in when they are ready and you will find your friends are much more appreciative with your wise advice.
Contact me (Olivia@revtc.com) with your challenges, no matter how small they seem -- if it's important to you, its important, period.