I don't know if Shanghai is the right city for me. I didn’t really want to come to China BUT, I didn't have a choice as the job situation was really bad in my home town.
It's tough to live two lives: keep up with friends/family back home and also maintain real relationships here. My situation requires me to stay here for the short term, but beyond that I just don't know.
Wo xiang wode jia, 38
Answer:
Olivia: Hey Wo xiang wode jia,
Leaving the place where you grew up and moving to another city is a major life decision. Like any other major decision, it involves many factors. Here I will talk about two factors that can guide you: your pain-avoidance behavior and your core values.
1) How do you make decisions?
People make decisions to either seek pleasure or avoid pain.
From your email, it seems that you are seeking to avoid pain, aren’t you? It might feel like you have no choice but to stay in Shanghai. But, is that really true? You might choose to stay in Shanghai because you worry your life may be worse elsewhere.
Additionally, let me ask you “What made you come and stay in Shanghai for so long?” If you are a TOWARD person, the reason might be that Shanghai is a comfortable place, rife with opportunities. A TOWARD person makes decisions in order to seek pleasure.
If you are an AWAY person, the reason might be your life would be worse if you decided to stay in your hometown (i.e. difficult to find work, less freedom, lower salary). An AWAY person makes decisions in order to avoid pain. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s just as it is; your preferred behavior when you make decisions. And no matter what type you are, you came to the same decision: to live in Shanghai.
Now, you can use the same Pain/Pleasure pattern to see if this city is the right place for you at this point in your life.
2) What drives your decision-making?
Your core values are the driving force in your decision-making.
What are your core values? From your email, I think Family and Relationships are important core values to you.
So what core values make you stay in Shanghai even though you miss your home so dearly? Are you willing to sacrifice your time with family to fulfill this core value? And for how long can you accept this?
Lastly, ask yourself: What city is right for you? If you have a better city in mind, when will you make the move?
Our decision-making process may be affected when our priorities temporarily change. But only when those decisions meet most of your core values, will you be confident you made the right decision.
So consider your core values, the importance and priority of each core value, and then make your decision accordingly. In another words: does Shanghai, still satisfy your core values now, at this stage of your life?
Olivia is a REV Life Coach and a living example of personal development.
What’s on your mind? Contact a REV coach (passion@revtc.com) with your question or concern and get some feedback NOW!
